I'm not sure that writing these thoughts are for anyone else but me and my closure of things lost.

June 18th was Fathers day... June 16th, I learned that my father passed away of heart failure on May 15th, nine days after my 36th birthday.

I cannot explain the emotion I feel, but I do feel it. I never knew my father so why this overwhelming sorrow? I think it's my desire of sonship.

When I was old enough to know, I realized the only thing you ever gave me was a card that read, "You're 1, have fun Son."

I remember going to your house one night with my older cousin Debbie. I was only a kid and you never saw me... But, I saw you through the front window... Well, at least the back of you. We ran back to the car like we had broken some law. I didn't understand why we didn't knock so I could meet you. Apparently you weren't dressed for the occasion.

I know my mother sent you school pictures each year, but they were pictures worth only a thousand words. My life is a story.

When we moved to Washington my 13th year, I lost track of where you were, until the State of Washington found you and made you pay for some of my medical bills. I can't imaging what you thought when blood test did reveal that you were my father. Several years passed quickly and at my 20th birthday, I cried in closet because you never knew me as a child.

As my life story continued, I married and had a child of my own. Then, the call from my mother that said she had found you once again... I have to say, I was not ready for that. It was my time to be everything right, I knew about fathers, to my child... It was not time for me to be a son.

Yet, I really thought you might contact me. I said, I didn't care... I lied. As a matter of fact, I hear a lot of people say they don't care and they're liars. I did care.

At the age of 25, for the first time, I saw a picture of your face and with it came 1000 words. But, it wasn't your story.

I thought one day I might be man enough to come meet you face to face. I told people I knew where you were and that our paths might cross someday... I realize that day will never come. I'm sorry.

Friday, June 16th, I cried once more. The call from my mother that said your heart failed and you were gone. I have to say, I wasn't ready for that. I'm sorry you died alone and that there was no service to honor you. It doesn't seem right. None of it ever did. But most of all, I'm sorry you never saw me as a man.

These words seem to come days to late... But as a son to a father I wish I was more bold to speak these words.

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

- Bono, U2
"Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own"

So that you know, I think I am turning out OK. I've been married for 14 years and I have four wonderful children. I know you saw the pictures my mom sent you. I want you to know I'm not perfect on my own, but Jesus has saved me. Christ has brought me back into the covenant with God, Abba... Father.

I wish you could have been more of a father to me. Fatherhood is a wonderful gift of God. I'm sorry you missed it with me.

Have mercy on me, oh God, a sinner. I'm sorry... I have missed the opportunity to be bold for the case of Jesus, who is Christ. I didn't look with the eyes of love. My pride was to great. I thought I could do it on my own. Teach me to LOVE my neighbor. Teach me to LOVE my father, my mother, my brothers and sisters more than myself.

To all the men who have been a wonderful example of fatherhood... Thank you.

Big Don Williams
Jack Stivers
Walter King
Bob Irby
Woody Woodruff
Bill Ashman
Randy Langley
Jim Brown
Al Owens
Ronald Woods
Doug Davis
Greg Woods
Glen Cash
Scott Walsh
Kevin Woods
Walt Hamilton
German Harrell

peace.

I will never forget the day I first noticed you. You made an impact that day that would change my life forever. It was your heart I noticed... Oh, and of course your fine body! But your heart was something else. It was passionate and caring. It took the time when no one else cared to even notice.

That's what I love about you. You notice every little detail. You listen with your heart and when the right moment comes, you speak words that show Christ is in your life.

How can I describe your beauty? The world has yet to form words that capture the wonders of your life. But that is it... You have LIFE! I see it in your eyes. You give to everyone everything. You provide for others first when you are in need.

It is your love for God and your love for others that makes your life shine!

Thank you for the 14 years.

I love you.
Always and Forever.

Yesterday was a wonderful day. We had our "senior event" for our graduates. A senior event is an all day activity involving role play, funny costumes, and any other way to embarrass, (one last time), our students.
So we saddled up our horses and took off looking for "Jumpin Jack Flash." A shifty, smelly claim jumper who's been bringing trouble to the local miners and town folk.

What a blessed day. We shot guns, went to an old Pioneer village, rode horses and panned for gold... I didn't find any gold... But I did find a cell phone. MINE! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! Never think it "can't happen to me." So here's a rare photo of me trying to dry my phone off with my cowboy hanky.
I did avoid a complete meltdown of my day by giving my camera to my friend, Kim. I can only imagine.

Anyhow, the day was wonderful and our three graduates had a great time... I think.

peace.
johno~

BTW, I will not be answering my phone for a while, but feel free to leave a message.

Caleb, Today you are FOUR. What a joy it is for me to have another HERO around. I will never forget the moment the Dr. said, "It's a BOY!" I remember the tears of joy. A SON!

Son, I love when you sing, "Suzie's got a cow on her head," and the way you laugh after telling jokes that no one else gets but you. I love your zeal for Star Wars and your realization that Han Solo is better than Luke Skywalker. Your imagination has no limits. Pirates, cowboys, space rangers and lions are a few of my favorites.

Thank you for your big boy prayers, singing "Jesus loves me," with the hand motions and your hugs and kisses.

Happy 4th Birthday Pal.

Amazing! You look more and more like me everyday.

Love, Pop.

Ever notice some people have GREAT gifts? My friend Ike Graul, A.K.A. The Musical Genius introduced this gifted man to me. I post it here for my good friend Steve Novak who is learning to play the guitar.



Let me just say, the DVD, "How to play Guitar in six easy lessons" by Fender does not teach one how to play like Tommy.

Don't worry though, in a few MONTHS you should have no problem.

peace.

After all these years of going to:

www.billygraham.com
www.davidnasser.com
www.joshmcdowell.com
www.jamesdobson.com
www.dougfields.com

You can now visit,
www.johnathanthomas.com

OK, so it's not as exciting as going to some of the others, but hey! it's my name.

Although, I'm still waiting for some trumpet sound or fanfare...
I guess it's kind of geeky... Since it forwards back to this page.

Now I feel like I just burned $10.

blink... blink.

hmmm.

I do get an email with it! me@johnathanthomas.com?! or johnathan@johnathanthomas.com? iam@johnathanthomas.com?
Which one should I use?

Maybe someone can help me design a "cool" web page for www.johnathanthomas.com...

peace.
johno~